remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
