Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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