did you get engaged???
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
