operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
