@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
