I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
