life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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