apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
