I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
