PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
