I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
