you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She bit a glass in half.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
