I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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