as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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