Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
