plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
