I wish I could teleport
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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