she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
