The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
