Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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