Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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