just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
