Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
