In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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