and you said cock pushups were impossible
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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