Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
