im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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