i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize