Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
