Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
