i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just tell him i said nine months
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize