so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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