I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is the high leading the old right now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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