I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
