I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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