Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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