hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
