is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
