Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
