I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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