We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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