so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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