Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
