Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
