The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
