if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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