So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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