I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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