I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
