I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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