wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
