just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
