If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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