I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
