Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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