You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
