This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
