the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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