I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
