I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
