8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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