I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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