Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
