I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
