quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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