dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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